*Britt*: (devinstheman318) wrote,

You know those moments in your life, the ones that define you, the ones that make you are? In those moments, no matter how big or small the event is that triggers them you know exactly who you are and what you stand for and believe in. I wish that I could have one of those moments right now so I could feel certain of who I am and what I stand for. Lately, I feel like I am losing sight of me and where the hell my life is headed. This uncertainity it scares the hell out of me. I have always known exactly who I am and what I want out of life.. until now. It's been a joke, that I am my own force, that I can change things, that I can make them happen. But now I have no idea what I want, the things that I have always thought and always wanted are no longer realistic. I dyed my hair yesterday, I thought a change would do me good. Maybe if I could just change my look and maybe if I can go to a new place, I could put things back into perspective or better yet gain a new perspective. But it did not work, because as I watched the dye go down the drain I felt like a coward, like I was losing a part of myself. I have always been blonde, my whole life I have been blonde.Now I have a head of reddish brown hair and all I wanna do is cry, because I don't feel any better but I don't feel as much like me. I wish things could go back to the way they used to be, things weren't always better but at least I could predict them. ok, well I feel really sick, so I will continue my pointless rambling later.
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