*Britt*: (devinstheman318) wrote,

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"and all the minutes in the world could never take your place"

Words have been such a struggle for me lately. I feel like everything I say comes out wrong, but on long summer nights like tonight, I remember how much I miss writing and how comforting it can be. For some reason it seemed weird to be pouring out some of my most personal thoughts and problems on the internet with a bunch of strangers reading them. But now with my state of mind, it seems fitting, like maybe someone out there somewhere might realize that someone else is struggling with the same thing.It has been more than 6 months since I have written. The whole spring semester and more than half of the summer have gone by. I can't help but wonder am I the same? Have I changed? If I have changed is it good or bad? Life is always full of questions, but if we keep looking for the answers maybe that takes away from who we are trying to be.I hope everyone's life is amazing and for those who are going through bad times, I'm crossing my fingers that they get better soon.

I think everyone has a summer when they just embrace life and who they are. I think this year has been all about that for me. I can feel that I have grown, that my perspective has changed but all for the better. I got my motivation and goals back. I brought my GPA back up. I got closure I needed with a certain boy.I have gone to so many great shows this year. I got a new job which I love.I love my friends. I have the greatest friends in the world and they know who they are.

It hasn't been all good. Not having a car for four months was Hell. I am pretty sure my love life will always suck. My Mom and I have had more than a few disagreements.Money is something that no one will have enough of. But over all the good outweighs the bad and I am trying to think positively.

My Grandfather passed away last week. My Mom called me and I didn't know what to say or do.Thank God that Gen was there with a hug and the right things to say. It just makes me so sad to know that I will never hear his voice again, that I will never get another hug from him or hear him crack one of his jokes. He was the one of the few guys that was always in my life after my Dad died. But I know that he was getting sick and sometimes living life is just hard to do. I know that he is in a better place now, it's just hard for those of us here to understand that concept.We flew up to St. Louis for the funeral and it just seemed so numbing. It was a hard trip, we had to say goodbye to my grandfather then we visited my Dad's and Grandmother's graves. Sometimes it sucks being surrounded in a place so full of memories but at the same time it makes it easier to cope.I just wish that I could make it easier for my Mom, this is so hard for her.But death is never an easy thing, but it makes us step back and realize just how important life is.

My 21st birthday is coming up, it's August 27th!! So in less than a month I will be LEGAL. We are all growing up it feels as if someone turned an hour glass upside down to go superfast and all we can do is try to grasp it before it slips away. Family Force 5 is playing a show in Tally the night before so I think I might just get a bunch of friends together at the show and celebrate there. I am not sure about actually having a dinner or something, I really wanted to plan something big because it's my 21st. But last year I planned a dinner and only a handful of people which made my birthday bittersweet, but those people that were there made it real special and I wouldn't trade it in for anything in the world. <3

There are rumors floating around of a Hanson tour in October/November and it makes me beyond excited.I also highly recommend buying The Wreckers new album "Stand Still, Look Pretty" and an somewhat old favorite band of mine, The Rocket Summer! Also,in an upcoming entry, I will post lots of pictures from mine and Gen's road trip,recent concerts, and other fun random stuff. :)

I will leave this entry with lyrics to a song that I love, it seems quite fitting and it actually makes me think. mad props go out to anyone who knows it...

Lately when we talk it’s been a struggle
Why should I defend the way that I have come to view life?
Well I don’t need it all explained and you can’t know what’s happening
If you’re too busy worrying about everybody else

Well I don’t wanna know
Cause I believe in everything
I’m so tired of listening to everybody else
Yeah well can't you let it go
You don’t control anything
So what’s the point of arguing?
If nothings ever right
Yeah well I don’t wanna know

Why concern yourself with information
That provides an explanation
For your problems if they still don’t go away
Yeah well you mite be prepared for this
You’re too scared that you might miss out on all your fun
To find there’s other ways to live

Well I don’t wanna know
Coz I believe in everything
I’m so tired of listening to everybody else
Yeah well cant you let it go
You can’t control everything
So what’s the point of arguing?
If nothings ever right
Yeah well I don’t wanna know

Did you really think that you could change a thing?
Where you found a place for all that’s happening
Then you hear the words and they all make sense to you
Then you keep the ones that make your story true
Well I don’t wanna be the one
Who occupies your attention while u run and hide from what it is that troubles you
Yeah well thank u for everything
Thanks the most for not bothering me anymore
You can argue with yourself

Coz I don’t wanna know
And I believe everything
I’m so tired of listening to everybody else
Yeah well cant you let it go
You can’t control everything
So what’s the point of arguing?
If nothings ever right
Yeah well I don’t wanna know
No I don’t need to know
I don’t care if I ever know
I don’t need to know

Lately when we talk it’s been a struggle
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